As moms, many of us spend our day taking care of others. We cook, clean, manage, organize, and make sure that those around us are happy.
But what about you? Do you feel happy and balanced?
You may have thought, “Yes, but…
… I would love to take a long bath, uninterrupted.
… Sometimes, I want to eat dessert without sharing.
… I wish I had the time to read a book in bed.”
Caring for ourselves often gets lost in the daily demands of mothering.
“Maintaining the basic day-to-day with no extraordinary circumstances, keeping all those balls in the air, is a really demanding endeavor, and it leaves very little time for moms to be able to have fun, relax, rest and have downtime,” says Aimee Danielson, director of the Women’s Mental Health Program at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital in the District.
And for mothers like myself who are raising a special needs child, the demands are even more significant. As the demands increase, so does the need for self-care.
But self-care is not selfish; it is necessary.
The healthier, happier, and less stressed you are, the better mom you are to your children. For many moms, self-care acceptance means being open to the idea of making time for yourself each day. This will look different for everyone. Some moms practice self-care by going for a run. Others prefer a massage. The key is to look inside and unearth what would make you feel recharged.
In order to make self-care a priority, try scheduling it each day. If necessary, block some time out for self-care on your calendar along with your other commitments and give it the same importance. (Don’t give in to laundry, dirty dishes, or other tasks that may tempt you away from time to focus on you.) Mothers with older children may find this easier, as their children are more independent. If you have younger children, or special needs children, you may have to be more creative in finding time for self-care. Try fitting time in when your children are sleeping, or ask someone you trust to watch your child while you recharge.
Remember: you don’t need to dedicate hours each day to self-care. Even 10 minutes can help.
Ideas for self-care
Self-care isn’t a one-size-fits-all practice. The following ideas can provide some inspiration for your unique self-care routine:
Read a book
Reading for even 10 minutes can provide a refreshing break from mothering. A great book leaves you wanting more, excited to return to the pages the next time you can sneak away. What’s a book you’ve been meaning to read?
Take a bath
A few minutes of alone time soaking in warm water can re-energize even the most tired mother. For an added bit of indulgence, try aromatherapy while you soak. For example, you can run a diffuser or light a scented candle. Or soak in water infused with a bath bomb or a skin-safe blend of essential oils and carrier oils.
Exercise
From boosting your mood to improving sleep, exercise offers so many health benefits. Find a group class if you prefer to spend this time with others or head to the nearest park and walk around while enjoying the peace and quiet of nature.
Listen to music
Create a playlist that brings a smile to your face and sense of calm to your mind. Turn on this playlist when you’re alone in the car or sneak away to the bedroom, close the door, and listen to your favorite tunes in bed.
Take a vacation day from work
For mothers who work outside of the home and have access to paid vacation days, take a whole or half day off just for you. Plan the perfect “me” day and make it happen. If you are a mother who stays home, try to schedule a day (or even a half-day) to yourself while a friend watches your children. Share the joy with her by allowing her to take her own “me” day while you watch the children.
Get up before everyone else
Set your alarm for 30 minutes before the rest of the house wakes up. Enjoy the quiet and calm of a brand new day with a warm cup of coffee or tea. Read, write, or simply enjoy the stillness.
Join a support group
Too often, the struggles we face leave us feeling alone. Find your tribe of moms in similar situations through local community boards or online methods, such as Facebook groups and apps like Nextdoor or Peanut. Whether you meet with these mothers in person or virtually, spend time connecting and supporting one another.
Practice mindfulness
Spending five minutes in a quiet, peaceful room can refresh both your mind and your energy level. Mindfulness helps to bring your thoughts into the present. During challenging times, it can also help you keep things in perspective. When your thoughts start spiraling and you feel your patience fading, take a few minutes to breathe deeply, center your thoughts, and just “be.”
Indulge in a great meal or dessert
When was the last time you were able to savor food without sharing? Treat yourself to some time alone at a restaurant or cafe. Order whatever you want and enjoy each and every bite. This is something that can be enjoyed solo or meet up with friends. Either way, forget about the calories of an occasional treat and celebrate you!
Starting today, find a few moments and focus on you. Especially in the beginning, it can be challenging to think of self-care as a necessity, not a luxury. But remember: you’re also modeling the importance of self-care to your children. And mama, you deserve it!
Articles are for informational and self-help purposes only. They should not be treated as a substitute for psychological, behavioral health, medical, financial, relationship, or career advice or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified professional. Nothing in any Article is intended as a recommendation or endorsement of any products, services, healthcare provider, opinions or other information that may be mentioned in our Services.