Okay, let’s be honest. Have you ever felt that you hardly get any time to yourself? Especially since the recent global pandemic started?
I remember a rainy afternoon a few years ago when my husband came home late from work. It had been one of those days with my five kids—everyone was cranky, I was overwhelmed with constant demands, and we’d been stuck inside all day. The minute he walked in the door, I grabbed my keys and my handbag and headed for the minivan.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“I don’t know. But I have to go somewhere. I haven’t had a single second to myself in I don’t know how long.”
I ended up going to the mall and getting a manicure.
And then I came home. That was all I needed.
The manicure didn’t last more than a week, but the feeling that I needed to find some time for myself during the day lasted much longer.
I realized that if I was going to create a little bit of “me time,” the best time to do it would be in the morning before the kids woke up.
I didn’t love this realization because I was not a morning person in the slightest. But I knew that I could really benefit by creating a small routine that would help me to feel purposeful and in control of the mornings.
And so I started small. Very small. And as I stuck with it, I started to see the benefits that a morning routine rooted in self-care could bring to my life.
Why you need a morning routine
A morning routine can help lower your stress by providing:
- Time for self-care. You may be familiar with the adage: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” I have found this to be very true as a mom. When I do the things that fill my proverbial cup, such as working out, praying and meditating, or having some quiet time to myself, I’m much more successful at being the mom I want to be. Because I actually have something to pour out of my cup!
- Familiarity and stability. While we may be facing lots of upheaval in our lives due to the current global pandemic, our routines can serve as an anchor for our mental well-being. Beginning our day with a simple routine can help us know what to expect each morning so we can feel more grounded.
- A sense of control to your day. As a mom, it can be difficult to predict what each day will bring with our kids, right? You may have a potty-training toddler or a stressed-out teenager that can drastically alter your daily plan at a moment’s notice. Over the past few years, I’ve changed my mantra from “seize the day!” to “seize the morning!” While I may not be able to control everything that happens at home, I can usually control the time I have to myself during my morning routine.
- Less decision fatigue. When we are constantly making choices, we may begin to feel decision fatigue, which is the mental or emotional overwhelm that comes from having more choices than our brain can handle. By creating a routine and decreasing the number of decisions we need to make (e.g. “Should I work out today?”), we free up some of our mental energy so we can focus on other things.
How to create a realistic morning routine
To begin creating a realistic morning self-care routine that lasts, I’ve found it helpful to choose one or two areas to focus on that will benefit you at first. These areas could be physical exercise, spiritual development, other self-care activities, or preparation for the day. Here are some examples:
- Physical exercise:
- Practice yoga postures
- Do an at-home workout program
- Walk or jog (while your spouse watches the kids)
- Lift some weights
- Run on a treadmill
- Spiritual activities:
- Meditate
- Pray
- Cleanse your space
- Be in nature
- Make a list of what you’re grateful for
- Other self-care activities:
- Listen to a motivational book or podcast
- Journal
- Enjoy a quiet breakfast or cup of coffee
- Take a shower, get dressed or put on makeup
- Reach out to a friend
- Preparing for the day
- Create a grocery list
- Tidy your child’s learning space
- Start a load of laundry
- Get packages ready to be mailed
- Prepare part of a meal (e.g. make a salad dressing)
Choose when you want to wake up
Once you have chosen one or two things you want to do during your morning routine, it’s time to choose when you want to wake up.
First, consider when your kids wake up. If your kids wake up at 5:00 a.m., it’s not realistic to expect yourself to wake up at 3:00 a.m. to complete a two-hour routine! Remember, the point of a morning routine isn’t to make you more tired. If your kids wake up later, you may be able to create a morning routine that takes more time. (And finally, if you’re a mama to a newborn, don’t worry about a morning routine yet. It’s okay to wait on this until you are ready!)
Once you know what you want to do and when you want to wake up in the morning, it’s a good idea to share your self-care plan with your family so that they can support you. For example, it can help if you prepare your kids to hear, “Mommy is doing her routine right now; please go get some more rest” if they wake up a lot earlier than expected. (While this doesn’t always work for me, it has worked sometimes!)
How to stick to your morning routine
The key to sticking with your morning routine is to start small! If you’ve never tried a morning routine before, choose one thing you’d like to do before your kids wake up. I recommend choosing something that requires no more than 20-30 minutes. You can gradually add new actions to your routine over time. Remember, sticking to a routine is a marathon, not a sprint!
You may also want to consider what you can do the day before to help you prepare for your morning routine. If you want to work out in the morning, consider setting out your workout clothes before bed or choosing which yoga or exercise program you’ll do in the morning. If you want to write, you could put your journal and pen on the table where it will be waiting for you when you wake up.
More ideas to make your morning routine last
Being able to wake up for your morning routine likely means that you will need to set a bedtime—and stick to it!
I highly recommend putting your morning alarm across the room from your bed. Getting up and out of the bed to turn it off is the most important thing in helping me to stick to my morning routine!
Shortly after waking up, drink a glass of water to rehydrate your body and feel refreshed. This can help you feel more alert and ready to carry out your routine.
You may also consider setting a goal for your morning routine and rewarding yourself with a small treat after you stick to your routine for a specific period of time. This reward could be buying a new journal online or purchasing a new nail polish for an at-home manicure.
Inviting a friend to become your morning routine accountability partner is another great way to make this change last. Consider texting each other in the morning to see if the other is awake at your agreed-upon time.
Over the years, I can say that I have become much more of a morning person than I used to be. I’ve found the key to creating a morning routine that lasts is to start small and focus on doing something that will benefit you directly. As you develop the habit of a morning self-care routine, you’ll be able to start filling your own cup and have more to offer your family throughout the day.
Clinically reviewed by Katie Nicole, LCSW, May 2020
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