Coping After a Traumatic Birth

As a mom, you likely thought carefully about your birth plan—how you wanted to deliver, who should be by your side, even if the lights should be dimmed. But if your delivery didn’t go as planned, you need time to heal—not just physically but emotionally.

You may not be sure if your birth story would be considered traumatic. Trauma is about how you process an event, more so than the event itself. Even if what you experienced didn’t seem “traumatic” from the outside, the way that you perceived the event can make it feel that way. For example, you may have felt traumatized if you felt scared during delivery but thought no one was listening to you. Even if your delivery looked routine from the outside.

Sometimes, we may brush off the effects of trauma when other people can sense something just isn’t right. For this reason, it’s important to keep your follow up doctor appointments and speak honestly about how you’re feeling.

The Silent Struggle

Trying to cope after a traumatic birth can be a lonely experience. You may fear that people may judge you for not feeling grateful for your baby, for example. Or that you don’t feel happy during what should be a happy time.

While you may feel alone, you’re actually not. Research shows that approximately one-third of all postpartum women suffer from some PTSD symptoms after birth, and three to seven percent suffer from full-blown PTSD. (Yes, PTSD, as in post-traumatic stress disorder—the same condition that soldiers may experience due to war.)

PTSD Symptoms: What You May Be Feeling

After a traumatic birth, you may experience a big change in your emotional state and have persistent feelings of fear, guilt, sadness, shame, or confusion. You may also feel irritable, angry, aggressive, or hypervigilant. (Your hormone levels change after birth. So, crying, mood swings, and irritability can be normal, but it’s best to check with a licensed clinical provider.)

Although you may be wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” you may also feel too ashamed to tell anyone how you’re feeling during a supposedly joyful time.

Recovering from PTSD symptoms after childbirth while caring for your baby isn’t easy. These tips may help:

Talk to people you trust about how you’re feeling. Sharing your feelings about the birth with trusted, non-judgmental friends and family can be therapeutic. It may take time to tell the birth story without crying, and that’s okay. The most important thing is to find people who will listen without judgment while you share how much you’re comfortable with.

Consider counseling. Be prepared for some people to dismiss your feelings. Although they likely mean well, they may say things like, “The most important thing is that the baby is here!” Or “Don’t think about that time.” Or “Isn’t she totally worth it?” If you don’t feel comfortable confiding in friends or family, consider talking to a licensed mental health professional. On that note:

• After a baby arrives, it may be hard to find time for counseling. (Even squeezing in a proper shower can be tricky!) If leaving your home is challenging, look for a therapist who specializes in postpartum mental health who offers sessions by phone, webcam, email or text. (Bear in mind that you’ll need more intensive treatment if you have PTSD instead of just a few PTSD symptoms.) A therapist may offer these “tele-health” sessions on her own or through an online therapy site or app.

• If you’re concerned about finding an affordable therapist, check with your health insurance provider. You can also ask your employer or your partner’s employer if they offer counseling via an Employee Assistance Program. Some therapists also offer sliding scale payments based on need.

Express your feelings through writing. Writing can be a great way to process your thoughts without worrying about others judging you. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or how you sound. Just write from the heart and let your feelings out.

Let go of your guilt. After a traumatic birth, you may feel guilty or blame yourself. Try to let go of thoughts such as, “It’s my fault my baby ended up in intensive care,” or “I shouldn’t have skipped that pumping session to sleep.” You’re doing the best you can, and your best is enough, mama.

Be in nature. Did you know there’s a strong link between time spent in nature and lower stress, anxiety, and depression? Have someone you trust watch your baby while you go for a trail walk or read in a park. Remember to check with your doctor before re-starting an exercise program and increase your activity gradually and gently.

Ask for (and accept) help. Sometimes, it’s tough to ask for and accept help. We may like to do things on our own or be afraid of burdening others. But our loved ones likely really want to help us but may not know how. Ask them to set up a meal train, pick up groceries, watch the baby while you rest or shower, watch older kids, do dishes, or make a meal.

Give yourself time to bond with your baby. Some women bond with their baby immediately while others don’t bond until several months have passed. Experiencing a traumatic birth can make it harder to bond with your baby initially. This doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. Rather, once you start feeling more like yourself, your bond with baby will likely grow.

Practice self-compassion. If your friend had a traumatic birth, you would most likely treat her with kindness and gentleness. Show yourself the same kind of compassion that you would give to a friend in a heartbeat.

Find others who understand. You may feel ashamed of some of the thoughts and feelings you have after a traumatic birth. It’s easier today than ever to find a community of other women like you — either online or in person — who can offer support.

Practice self-care. Ask someone you trust to watch your baby while you take a little time to get a break from being someone’s mom and partner. Take a hot shower. Go shopping. Have tea with a friend.

Prioritize your health. After your baby has arrived, the last thing you may feel you have time for is yourself. But it’s important to pay attention to your own health. Try to get as much sleep as you can, go for your follow-up doctor appointments, and eat nutritious meals.

Is it PTSD?

Mothers with PTSD may:

• Have disturbing dreams, thoughts, or flashbacks about the birth
• Avoid things that remind them of the birth
• Feel detached or unable to remember the birth
• Have trouble sleeping and concentrating

Only a trained medical or psychological professional should diagnose you. If you experience the symptoms listed above, and they don’t seem to be getting better, contact your doctor or a therapist right away.

Also, if you feel like your life isn’t worth living or have thoughts about harming your baby, seek clinical help immediately.

And remember: asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but strength.

Reviewed by: Sarah Henley, LMFT

Articles are for informational and self-help purposes only. They should not be treated as a substitute for psychological, behavioral health, medical, financial, relationship, or career advice or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified professional. Nothing in any Article is intended as a recommendation or endorsement of any products, services, healthcare provider, opinions or other information that may be mentioned in our Services.