One mom’s story of being pregnant, married to an essential worker, and raising a toddler during the pandemic
The word “change” is too small to describe my life these days. My world is shifting faster than I can keep up.
A little backstory: In December of 2019, my husband accepted a job in a new town. In January, we moved to a rental to be closer to my husband’s job. January was also the month we found out that we were expecting baby #2. In April, we sold our first home and are moving to a permanent home in a few weeks. I sure won’t miss packing and unpacking an entire house repeatedly!
Life before COVID-19
We had just enrolled my three-year-old in a dance and gymnastics class. We also signed up for a membership at a local children’s museum, explored a grocery store nearby and were about to go visit the library. We were so excited about enrolling my toddler in a daycare/preschool program so she could interact with other children her age.
And then COVID-19 arrived, and our life came to a halt.
Our “new normal”
We were forced to leave everything we had started and retreat indoors. The furthest we have gone now is to my doctor’s appointments, to do new house paperwork, and to get fresh air by walking around the block.
Now I divide my day between my needs and those of my daughter. I spend much more time every day playing with her and teaching her new things, such as counting to 50 and reading small words. These days, I’m not only her mother but also her teacher, confidante, cook, and best friend—I have to be everything to my daughter right now. While I navigate my way through this difficult time, she looks up to me as a role model. I want to show her that I care and that I’m here for her. My daughter gives me the strength and courage to get through each day.
Relaxing the rules
Gone are the days when I would strictly limit my three-year-old’s intake of sugar. Ditto for screen time. We do daily and weekly low-tech activities. But between balancing the household chores and keeping her entertained, her tablet and the TV have come to the rescue many times. (Thank goodness for YouTube Kids and Tag with Ryan!)
Sometimes, her grandmas from Canada are lured into ”babysitting” via video chat while I catch a nap, make a meal, or engage in an activity of my own. Somehow, the stress, anxiety, and fear around the virus make our families feel that much farther away from us. They are missing our big milestones—most likely they won’t be able to visit in time to celebrate my daughter’s birthday with us, for example. I pray every day that my baby won’t be born in lockdown and that I won’t have to handle a C-section and two kids without the support of our parents and families.
My second pregnancy makes me so grateful for my first one; in retrospect, my first would be considered “smooth sailing.” With my current pregnancy, I experienced nausea and food aversions in the first trimester. The second trimester brought headaches, back pain, muscle soreness, and heartburn. Not to mention that I need a nap every day. But I know that I have to stay active, so my daughter and I go for two to three walks a day. It feels so good to see the greenery of spring and spend time in nature. We’re very fortunate to have good weather outside that we can enjoy. Our routine has become morning walks followed by popsicles.
Married to an essential worker
Did I mention that my husband is an essential worker and can’t work from home? I’ve pushed the thought of him going into work every day to my subconscious. I simply don’t have the mental energy to worry about that when I wake up every morning. The good part is that he has job security. As a radiation physicist, the bad part is that he’s exposed to so many people, including sick patients on a daily basis. He’s also managing most of the home buying and selling work, all of the groceries and errands, and getting us sugary treats to keep up our morale at home. So not only do I think about all that I have to do, but my mind also ruminates on all the things on his shoulders and concern about his mental health.
My husband is the one who has to sit with our daughter in the car while I go in for my ob-gyn appointments. They only allow patients to enter now. So I’ll have to go to an upcoming ultrasound alone. This is not how I imagined my pregnancy. We took our daughter to our first appointment so that she could share with us in making new memories as a family of four. But our hopes for that are now dashed because of this pandemic.
How I cope
When all of this started in March, we were suddenly in a panic and concerned about our loved ones near and far. Being socially connected became a top priority. But my social media feed started to fill up with COVID-19 updates. And all the places I used to go online for a break and for artistic inspiration were filled with words such as “virus,” “pandemic,” “lockdown,” “‘fear,” and “isolation.”
So I’m proactively taking steps to stay calm.
I started by going offline for a weekend. For a refreshing two days, I didn’t go anywhere near my phone to check messages or read all the updates on COVID-19 that had infiltrated my social media. Now I’m very selective with my time and energy and am limiting my time on social media. I know that now more than ever, I need to surround myself with positive things—it’s crucial to my health and my baby’s development as well.
I’ve also set a few small goals to achieve each day—my meals, a midday nap, and time outside in nature. I’ve continued to make my morning 5-10 minute yoga and meditation routine a priority. It really helps to set the pace for my day and keeps me clear-headed, away from all the outward noise and mayhem.
In addition, I’ve intentionally added more work and projects into my week. I needed the mental distraction and a way to apply myself before my brain turns to mush. So I steal time here and there in the daytime and then use my evenings after my toddler goes to bed to engage in those things. I’m doing some writing and editing, helping a friend learn a new language and teaching myself new things.
I’ve always been a creative person heavily into arts and crafts since 2012. That’s my refuge. Whether it’s crocheting, dancing, learning the piano or drawing and painting, I make time to do things that make me happy. (And that didn’t change once I became a mother.) This time I spend on my crafts is truly healing for me—creating something with my hands gives me a great sense of satisfaction. The more I can give myself the space and time to create, the better I feel and the heaviness of this situation lessens just a little bit.
I also spend time each day counting my blessings. It helps me to focus on the good that still exists in my little world. I give thanks for many things: access to clean water, food, electricity, clean clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in. I sometimes took these basic things for granted earlier, but now I realize their importance.
Finally, I try to take life day by day instead of looking far into the future. I know that not much is in my control, but I can control my mindset and how I spend my day. So although my life is one wild ride right now, I go to bed with a grateful heart—for all that I have and all I can do for myself and my family.
Clinically reviewed by Sarah Henley, LMFT, April 2020
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