When early cases of COVID-19 started to surface a year ago, I began to reach out to those I knew still living in Wuhan, China, my home away from home. Those of us who had left the city looked on in fear as we saw what was happening in a city we loved so much.
My young son, Zac, and I moved to Wuhan in 2012 so that I could pursue a teaching opportunity. Despite this intimate link, the virus felt incredibly far removed from my own reality—until it began to spread worldwide, uniting us all in the loneliness, fear, and despair that can come from such uncertainty and isolation. I’m not going to lie. This year has been gut-wrenching. Devastating. Soul-crushing.
With Zac now 17 years old and on the cusp of adulthood, the two of us have spent the majority of 2020 stuck in our 720 square foot apartment just outside of Toronto, Canada. Life has been in stark contrast to our previous life abroad, one in which we lived contentedly amongst the crowds of China’s busiest cities and traveled internationally to over 50 countries. We had lived big. Now, life felt very small.
Still, in a time of great difficulty, I’ve gained things, too.
I gained the chance to observe my son as he grows into an adult. Spending so much time together during the pandemic has given me more time to observe—and appreciate—how much Zac has matured.
As I’ve taken a step back, no longer actively guiding and instructing, it’s been time for my son to step up and into his responsibilities, and he has. Despite the inevitable bumps that come with this growth, Zac continues to inspire me with his wisdom, empathy, and intuition as he learns to navigate the world on his own two feet.
I gained a kid who knows what it means to contribute to the household. When Zac cooks loaded chipotle tacos and sweet potato sushi bowls for us as I work all night on report cards? I decide I can forgive him for just about anything.
I gained a kid who demonstrates real care and consideration for others. Whether it’s dog walks and cuddles or time spent responsibly with family, I see my son make real attempts at connection in a time when only so much is within our control.
I gained a kid who realizes the risks of the pandemic and stays away from other people so that he can help protect them and our family. Zac understands the need to physically distance from friends—something that’s been far from easy.
I also gained time to myself.
With a teenager on his way to adulthood, it’s been time to give Zac space—something that’s proved especially difficult while in lockdown. I miss my little shadow, my constant companion. It can get lonely. After all, I got pregnant while still in high school—I’ve never been an adult without first and foremost being a mother. Still, space for Zac automatically meant more time for me and those activities that nourish my emotional and physical wellbeing
I gained time to read new books and re-read my favorites. Often with a cup of tea to sip between turned pages, it’s a chance to take a break from the stress of pandemic life.
I gained the chance to take long, meditative walks with our dog. Sometimes, we go for three hours or more. Always a late bloomer, I learned why podcasts were exciting and soaked up the chance to be outside, walk, and listen.
I gained a new creative outlet and decided to take up quilting. With the demands of being a sole parent and sole provider, I haven’t had the space for creativity in years. I joined a virtual quilting community and enrolled in a quilting course. I took pieces of material from my son’s childhood, cutting and pinning and stitching and sewing, already planning a second quilt in my mind. Had Zac been younger, enrolling in a course like this would have been unheard of.
And I gained time to focus on my physical wellbeing. After the first wave had subsided and outdoor restrictions began to lift, a friend and I started up the Couch to 5k program. The novelty of what we were doing never wore off. Our conversations often consisted of, “We ran three times this week!” and “It’s freezing but we’re still running!”
I gained the opportunity to connect with my people, albeit differently than before.
The pandemic intensified my loss of community—a loss, ironically, I felt more acutely here than I did while living in Wuhan and Shanghai, China, where Zac and I built our own tight-knit families with fellow expats. But the pandemic also eased some of that loss by bringing other opportunities.
I gained virtual writing sessions with friends. Getting up at 6 a.m. twice a week kept me grounded as I navigated the stress of the pandemic and became a time in which a close friend and I decided to write our first article together. The pandemic, as difficult as it was, gave me both a project and a creative outlet.
I gained meaningful reconnection with those still living abroad. Getting together for virtual meets with friends in Berlin and London has been a chance to share in the global experience of navigating a pandemic with those far from home.
I gained an intercontinental book club with friends. It’s my very first, which is outrageous given my love of books—though as our first meet proved, we’re not all that great at it; none of us read (or in some cases, even started) the book.
The pandemic changed me. It taught me to find ways to focus on myself for the first time in my adult life. And honestly? I plan to keep doing that—long after this pandemic is over.